After another fitful night of sleep, we dropped off the children at my parents' home and headed for our higher-level scan. My parents prayed for our appointment before we left.
The examination room was equipped with a large TV monitor across from the examination table. I wouldn't be staring at the ceiling this time.
Something felt different in my body from the previous night; I wondered if perhaps God allowed Baby to pass. Our baby filled the screen. I quickly noted the heart beating strong, as it always had. Baby was still with us. My heart sank a little, knowing that future decisions would not be as straightforward.
A technician took some preliminary scans, and we immediately saw the large mass surrounding Baby. It was still there; nothing had changed. The technician gave us a guess at Baby's gender: girl. Derrick and I exchanged a tender look. It was the girl we had hoped and longed for.
Next, the high-risk OB came in and completed her own ultrasound images/videos. She spent so long with us that the nurse came in 3x for other patients. I tried to study the doctor's face: it looked concerned and focused. The doctor spent much of the time examining the heart over and over again, tracking the flow and output, listening to the heartbeat in different areas and registers, the anatomy... it gave me hope that maybe she was thinking about how to reconstruct Baby's heart after birth.
The doctor then zoomed out to see Baby's entire body and clicked the 3D button. She spun the 3D image around slowly. I gasped, crying silently with my body trembling as I saw the fluid-filled mass that enveloped Baby's head, face, and abdomen. Only Baby's hands and feet looked normal. "I'm sorry," the doctor whispered and continued with the examination.
What happened to you, Baby? My poor Baby. Why do you look like this? What is God's plan for you?
My salty tears cascaded down my face, wetting the bed sheets around my head. I prayed for Baby, and for our friends' baby as they were getting their anatomy scan at the same time.
The doctor completed her assessment, and turned away from the ultrasound machine.
I sat up on the table in my cold, jelly-soaked maternity leggings.
"Your baby's condition is 100% lethal. There is no chance it will survive outside of the womb. I am surprised you didn't miscarry already. A fetus with this many abnormalities does not live this long. The edema is so severe that the other anomalies are inconsequential -- the congenital heart defect, problematic kidneys/bladder, clubbed foot -- they do not matter."
I looked up at the monitor behind the doctor, now dark. It read "XXXXX, JANETTE" with Baby's gestational age. Was this really happening? Was I in reality? The doctor was confirming what we predicted would happen... and then some.
"You can probably carry the fetus to term because it does not need much in utero. Your body can sustain the fetus. IF you carry the fetus to term, you will get very sick. Your liver will fail and you can stroke at any time."
The doctor glanced down at my feet. "Yep, it is as I suspected. Look how edemic [swollen] your feet are. This is not normal for 20 weeks. The sick placental hormones are crossing over to you. This is indicative of a rare syndrome named 'mirroring syndrome', where the mother's body begins to mimic the baby's. Your blood pressure is high. We are highly concerned about you, pre-eclampsia, and HELLP syndrome."
Never once did I think that my health could be in danger.
"I know this is a lot of information. You do not need to decide immediately but soon on delivery options. The first delivery option is a Dilation and Evacuation (D&E). Not all doctors have this training. In the OR, you are dilated and then the fetus is scraped and vacuumed out. It is quick and you can go home the same day. Additionally, some doctors offer to inject potassium chloride into the heart guided by an ultrasound before the procedure. This stops the heart before continuing with the procedure."
"The second delivery option is an induction on the Labor & Delivery floor, much like a normal induction. It will take longer since the body is not ready to deliver at 20 weeks. You can vaginally deliver, and will be able to hold the baby afterwards."
"We don't know why things like this happen. Chromosomal abnormalities are not genetic. They just happen, and it should not happen again. The chromosomal abnormality is extremely severe with this one. I'm so sorry."
We were then led to the genetic counselor, who was not helpful. The genetic counselor told us she would be coordinating the delivery details.
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