Closing Out 2017

Thank you, friends, who have faithfully prayed for us and inquired how we are doing this first holiday season without Elias.

We cannot see who reads this anymore... but let us first say that God is and has been so faithful and gracious in dealing with us. He is healing our hearts and we are moving forward with gusto. The waves of sadness are less acute and frequent. Life feels "normal" again.

And so, though we miss Elias terribly and wish he were still with us this Christmas, we are comforted and strengthened by the reminder of our Messiah Jesus Christ gifted to us. As Chris Tomlin sings, "Jesus, the love song of God". Hallelujah!

Derrick and I are not the same people as we were a few months back.

          Looking forward to trusting the same marvelous God of 2017 as He will be in 2018.

Let It Be Jesus
Christy Nockels

Let it be Jesus
The first name that I call
Let it be Jesus
My song inside the storm
I'll never need another

For me, to live is Christ
For me, to live is Christ
God, I breathe Your Name above everything
Let it be
Let it be Jesus

Let it be Jesus
From the rising of the sun
Let it be Jesus
When all is said and done
I'll never need another
Jesus, there's no other

Should I ever be abandoned
Should I ever be acclaimed
Should I ever be surrounded by the fire and the flame
There's a Name I will remember
There's a Name I will proclaim
Let it be
Let it be my Jesus

Book Recommendations

I have read several Christian books on grief and infant loss; all were mediocre, average.

Perhaps it is because I do not relate to miscarriage or stillbirth the way those books are typically written.

Last night, I read Holding Onto Hope by Nancy Guthrie from cover to cover in one sitting. It was biblical (study on Job, through which I had just finished reading), concise, well-written, practical, relatable (not just for infant loss, too), encouraging, and helpful. Came with a study guide in the back. Would definitely recommend to others.

Prior to Elias, I had read I Will Carry You by Angie Smith. It was instrumental in allowing me to glimpse a solid Christian family's experience with and through infant loss. At that time, I was desperate to understand even a tiny bit of what our friends were going through with their complicated pregnancy. The book delivered; I wept every few pages for our friends. I re-read it as we journeyed with Elias, this time with more profound identification. Derrick found the chapter written by Angie's husband (how men and fathers grieve) helpful, as did I.

Church Sharing

Before we left for our trip, Derrick and I shared about Elias with our church. It was the first time we talked about him publicly. We were extremely grateful for our pastors extending the opportunity.

I think it went ok. The nerves disappeared after we stood up front, praise God. And if it was anyone we were sharing with, this was the most gracious and loving crowd to do so.

Our friend led worship beforehand, and had thoughtfully asked us for song selections. I bawled through his beautiful piano-playing, and the church singing with one voice He Will Hold Me Fast, Come Thou Fount, and The King of Love My Shepherd Is.

We cried throughout the sharing, but soldiered through. I expected to cry yet was relieved that I could recover and still talk.

At the sharing's conclusion, our pastor asked for a few people to pray aloud for us. I again wept as most of those few had also lost loved ones.

May God grant our one prayer that the sharing be encouraging.

If anything, it was encouraging to ourselves in providing major closure to move forward.

Our First Trip

We took our first trip without Elias this past week.

It was so refreshing to get away and escape for a little, to have family time, and enjoy hotel life.

For 4.5 days, I did not feel sad or think even 1 time about Elias. :0