It has been a long while since I have had a nightmare related to Elias.
Last night's left me breathless, disoriented, and with a backache that still persists.
I dreamt that I had prematurely delivered some placenta-thing at the clinic, and that meant I was in labor at 30 weeks. The fear felt insurmountable. The OB took an ultrasound and gravely reported that Baby had 1 or 3 horseshoe kidneys (would not know until delivery), and that all the organs had joined together into a single mass. I kept asking the nurses if our baby would be born alive but no one would answer. Baby stopped moving, and a nurse suggested that maybe he had passed in the womb as they prepped me for C-section. "Why is this happening again?!" I screamed at Derrick. He locked himself into the bathroom for some time, crying. I wept loudly to a friend.
Calmed my racing heart and mind by praying and submitting Baby unto the Lord.