2 Days After

Today was much more emotional. I missed Baby terribly, and awoke in tears.

My milk was coming in, the last thing my body would do for her. My bladder was getting better; praise God.

My nurse asked for a massage for me. I never had this treatment with the other 2! I nearly fell asleep during it. So nice, and she rubbed lavender oil on me.

Derrick and I tried to spend the day blogging and remembering and reflecting.

My mom and sister visited with the children. They were much more comfortable at the hospital and sat in bed with me. They loved pushing the buttons to make the bed move up and down.

Discharge was quick without a baby.

Leaving the hospital was very emotional. I expected it, since it was emotional for me to transfer from Labor and Delivery to Mother-Baby. It was nighttime, which also made it more dramatic and depressing. Derrick broke down. It was the second time I ever saw him do that; first time was over the phone when I told him about Baby's abnormalities.

I think the act of leaving the hospital represented the finality of us leaving Baby's body, leaving the sanctuary of hospital and nursing staff who knew our story, and us entering into the Real World and Real Life.

Again, I was wheeled past Labor and Delivery (I longingly stared at its closed doors, hoping to be back under happier circumstances), past all the waiting family/friends with flower bouquets + balloons. The nurse placed her hand on my shoulder for solidarity, and handed me a box of Kleenex. The waiting family/friends all stared at me, puzzled at my sorrow in such a place of joy. We had no car seat in my lap; we left even lighter than when we had entered. Just a few days ago, we had emerged out of the elevators with Odelia alive and happy in my tummy.

This chapter was now closed.