Being A Friend

Some ask how to be a friend to someone who has lost; I was reminded this past Friday of one way.

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I rarely bring up Elias with people I met after him.

          I did with a teacher from Z's school.

She asked about my weekend, and I (briefly) told her the reason we were going away.

Before parting ways, she grabbed my arm and intently inquired with love in her eyes,

          "What was your baby's name?"

                    I felt like she was looking into my inner soul.

She told me what a beautiful name Elias is, and committed it to memory by repeating his name.

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The bereaved love hearing others say their deceased one's name.

          It recognizes their life, value, and memory.
          It demonstrates that you do not fear talking about their loved one.

Last Year, This Year, Next Year

We returned to the same spot for Elias’ birthday trip this year. 

The flood of memories unexpectedly startled me; I did not anticipate much recollection.

I remembered the same patterned sand, empty beach, brisk climate, and expansive view of the sunset. The water was just as I had remembered: gentle and foamy, yet relentless and robust. 

I remembered anxiety around my rainbow pregnancy, if Baby would be born healthy and what he would be like. This year, God has kindly answered all of those questions — he is L, lovely in every way and so vigorous. 

I remembered ZJ’s timidity of getting too close to the shore but this year, they ran uninhibited in and out of the smaller waves with gleeful gaiety. “Can we come back again next year? When Elias turns 3?”

This year, we celebrate more than we mourn. By God’s grace, He has wrought healing in our hearts, as well as added to the joy in our family through our newest little.

Our Rock and our Redeemer, Your ways are higher and more perfect than we could ever imagine. Eternally Faithful and Glorious One.

Good to Me

This was a special song on my Elias playlist... I remembered it this year around his birthday.

* I do not endorse the foxes in vineyard line, which speaks of intruders in a marriage from Song of Solomon 2:15.

Good to Me
Audrey Assad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKosVfAEUPE

I put all my hope 
On the truth of Your promise
And I steady my heart 
On the ground of Your goodness

When I'm bowed down with sorrow
I will lift up Your Name
And the foxes in the vineyard
Will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me

And I lift my eyes 
To the hills where my help is found
Your voice fills the night 
Raise my head up and hear the sound

Though fires burn all around me 
I will praise You, my God
And the foxes in the vineyard 
Will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me

You are good to me, good to me

You are good to me

Your goodness and mercy shall follow me

In Loving Memory

We especially miss Elias today.

How has it been 2 years already?

          Sounds like a long time with L turning 7 months in a couple of days, while

          not

          as I can vividly recall numerous memories of that time.

2 years out, I could never dream where we are now.

          We are well: spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
          I remember texting a friend a few weeks after Elias' death that I did not think I could go on.

          ZJ still consider our family as a family of 6.
          ZJ draw pictures of Elias interacting with our family, and J tells me Elias died because his kidney was not 
          working.

          The Lord added to our joy L.
          There was some time that I could not bear the thought of having more children. A common comment I receive is 
          how all our boys have the same "look". My heart warms thinking about how Elias would have looked like. Elias' 
          life and death utterly altered me as a parent (blog post to come).

Many friends thoughtfully remembered Elias with us this year.

          It is never expected but so sweet, and undeserving.

Jehovah is yet God (Elias' name meaning), and His kindness and faithfulness endure. From the beginning of time to eternity, amen.