I know it is inane to write to you because you will never read this, but it does not feel as personal and intimate when I write to this blank space.
Our family just returned from a weeklong trip to Disneyland. It was a fantastic time! Even played with many church friends there.
I silently missed you.
I wished we could have brought you to experience Disney for the first time alongside your brothers. I wished I could have worn you around in a soft wrap baby carrier, snuggles and cuddles constant. I wished you were with us, still.
We had postponed this trip until we regained the mental and physical strength after your traumatic passing.
At Disneyland, the multitudes of pregnant women, itty bitty babies, and families of 5 took me aback a little. I reminded myself that you are with the Lord (never fails to comfort), to be content in my station, and that our kind God knows and sees me.
At Disney's California Adventure, I caught sight of a sizable store titled "Elias & Co.". My heart lurched, and I was frozen by its brazen reminder. I have not forgotten a friend's description of grief taking one's breath away at unexpected and inopportune moments.
From Disneyland website
You will always have a piece in my heart; a permanent piece of me died when you died. I will never be the same, and here on earth, I will always carry a very sad part of me with me, wherever I go.
I love you.
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