Jehovah is God

My darling Elias Abel, now in heaven with God,

Today was your due date.

It was a date I recited for months to the nurse before our OB appointments, to others inquiring of your arrival, and with Baba and your older brothers in anticipation of and in preparation for you. Your brothers asked me at least 1x/day when you would be here.

It was a date I recited for months after you came, dreading and despising that day.

That day is now, and it is hard but it is also the day the Lord has made so I rejoice and am glad in it.

Interestingly enough, your brothers have been talking about you much more this month. They notice Mommy is sad because "Elias is dead", and talk about how they feel sad, too. They draw pictures of our family with you and Mui Mui (guess it will be part of our story; it made a strong impression). When strangers ask how many children we have, Z quickly corrects us and says we have three. Your brothers still remember.

This afternoon, I carefully reread your birth book, reliving our memories together and when you left us. It is amazing that God numbered exactly 20 weeks in the womb for you. My memories of you are fading: what it was like to carry and then hold you, what you looked like, how surprisingly warm you were, what Mom and Derrick said in the moments after you were born, etc. I am grateful for Uncle J's photos.

I miss you terribly.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not miss you.

It does not matter that you lived only half of a full-term gestation, or that you had so many things wrong in your body, or that you were our third son. You were a grace and a life created by the God who fashioned the world by His Word. We loved you.

And God's Word surely lifts our head, as well as many faithful prayers, and undeserving visits, gifts, and acknowledging texts from sweet friends today. Our kitchen counter and refrigerator tell also of the overwhelming breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ that compels people to love like this. Thank You, and thank you.

Your first name means "Jehovah is God".

I praise God you are Home and singing Psalm 118:28-29 as I pray it with joyful sorrow today:

You are my God, and I will give thanks to You;
    You are my God; I will extol You.
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
    for His steadfast love endures forever!

.................................................

God is

     good;

for

His

     steadfast

love

     endures

          forever.

.................................................

Listening to this.