Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Social Settings

This weekend, I attended 2 large gatherings of acquaintances and new friends.

          I inevitably fielded innocent questions that I despise over and over again.

          "How many kids do you have now?"
          "What are your childrens' age gap?"
          "WOW, 3 BOYS?! Were you trying for a girl? Try again next time for a girl!"

It was exhausting and difficult.

I do not enjoy these questions because they indirectly bring up the silent pain of losing Elias. How most people do not interact with loss, and assume gender to be more important than health. How moving forward, people will not know about him. How looking back, people do not know how to acknowledge or respond to him.

          And that it makes it easier for everyone to not bring Elias up.

Though I have had practice with these questions, I still cannot answer fluently, without a pause, as I quietly remember my sweet boy and try to curb my anger/sadness.

My loss-mom friend told me people were one of the hardest things to navigate. She has been spot-on in all her counsel.

          She told me answering these questions does get easier once she made peace that people will not know.

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